Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
