Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
