I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
