I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
