she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
