Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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