Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
