the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
