So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
