stop calling my apartment porn island.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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