Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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