We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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