One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
