I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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