accomplished twins. life is a go
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
