Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
