I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
