Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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