don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
