i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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