I looked at my own cervix.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
