hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
