I heard we made out
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
