1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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