tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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