I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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