i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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