Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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