so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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