there's paper in my vomit.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are two peas in an std pod
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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