Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Who died my cat blue again?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
