he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
