Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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