Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
