I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
