I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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