I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
