Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
