don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
