you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
