It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish there were birth control emojis
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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