I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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