you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
