She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
