You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
