IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
