at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
