im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
