ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
