But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
