dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
