Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
