i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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